How To Scare Off 4988 People Using The Word "Bread"

I taught Bible Study at church tonight. When I was asked to do it last week, I didn't really have a topic in mind. The two previous ones had been topical, about Humility and Forgiveness, respectively. I was going to do it about meekness (and what I thought was its difference from humility was). But after my experience this week, I felt I was led to teach on John 6, which I had read during my daily reading Tuesday.

I've learned that the gospel of Jesus Christ isn't some mere trend. I mean, I might have had that as an idea in my head, but it doesn't make any sense until you feel what it's like to have someone reject that truth because it didn't suit them. I've realized that religion tailor-made to fit you like a glove doesn't work. Spiritual things have to be on God's terms, not ours. Things like salvation and eternal life.

I'm listening to David Crowder's new album right now. I'm slowly learning something today. All the David Crowders, the Matt Redmans, the Max Lucados, the Don Millers, the P.O.D.s, the Bonos, the Sufjan Stevens, the Jon Formans and the Switchfoots, the Relient Ks, the Darlene Zschechs of the world can do not a single thing to bring people to Christ. Not unless the Spirit of God is moving in that person who's going to be saved.

We can't water down the Gospel message just because it's a major let-down. It's salvation. It's life.

Jesus talked about Him being the bread of life, right after feeding 5,000. He told them to stop living for earthly bread, but look to heavenly bread. They couldn't understand Him, and got offended. Twelve people stuck around. Even then, one was going to betray Him. But He asked why they stayed. His #2 told him, "You're all we've got. We've got nowhere else."

Only the really hungry stick around with Jesus in the long run.

Psalm 1

1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.


In season? I'm guessing there's a sense of timing connected with these words.

Getting Back

I've decided to start reading my Bible again. I haven't touched it in over a year. Sure I open it for worship times but I haven't had personal reading. Maybe I could find peace all over again. I don't really know where I left off so I'm going to start with the Psalms since I'm a worshipper most of the time.

When God resoundingly says "Not Yet."

I never really would have thought I would receive so much encouragement from God saying "not yet."

But it turns out, the encouragement didn't come because He said, "not yet," but it came because He SAID it. And now that I think about it, the way He revealed this to me was the most crystal clear way He could have revealed it. I'm in this phase of my life where I'm realizing that not everything is black and white, and that most of the answers that I get are now unacceptable because of their implicit harshness i.e. "Do this because it says so."

But in this particular area where God said, "not yet," He gave me a reason I could actually accept as legitimate.

I had initially thought this to be a disappointment, but my friend Kathleen and her boyfriend Jon swayed me. They told me that because He spoke and revealed it to me, He actually felt for me in this area. They told me: this shows that when you're crying about this, God is crying about it too.

If you knew me, you would know that this one area of my life is so important to me (yes, I'll admit, above other things) that it has severely affected my theology, my hope and how I view the world at large. And all the disappointments I've had in the past have culminated into a disenchantment that went to the tune of, "God is God and He can do whatever He wants, and He doesn't have to give you these things."

But not this time.

Kathleen and Jon told me: Yes! You CAN ask God for what you want. The Cross gave us that right. Yes, we have to be flexible and open to His will, but that shouldn't stop us from asking and believing we could get it.

Also, Kathleen pointed out, because it was a "not yet" God also left room for hope. And for the first time in a long time, I AM hopeful. I've stopped wondering about the outcome and I'm just, well, waiting. Not waiting, anxiously, and not idly, of course. I have other things to pass the time. But you may never know how much of a burden was taken off my chest and how much hope has replaced it.

I guess my prayer now is that when that time does come when "not yet" becomes a "yes", He would make it clear to me.

Above all else, guard your heart.

I told myself today.
Don't fall for her, don't fall for her.
Please. At least not yet.
While things are convenient and barriers are all in place.
Barriers. Remember that?
Remember what needs to be guarded, what choices you made?
Remember what promises made keep these barriers in place?
She's nice, absolutely, no doubt about that.
Nice girls place top on your list.
You can see where she stands and what she lives for.
What she personifies and how she inspires.
She's different from the rest, isn't she?
You're interested. You know that much.
But don't, please. Do NOT fall for her.
Do all you can in your power to prevent that.
Don't daydream, don't sit and wonder.
Don't glamorize any possibility of a future.
Don't you even dare plan out your own spontaneity.
Hell, don't even mention her name.
Because your mind and your heart are closer to each other than you suspect.
Because you fall too hard. Way too early.
You give too much. You give in too easily.
Too early in this game.
You place them too high.
The halls of your heart are littered with the crumbled pedestals of broken loves.
You placed them there. You shouldn't have, but now they're there.
Please, you've gone through this phase before.
Let this be different.
If not for yourself, for her.
Don't ever let her fall victim to your resentment.
She will become both your muse and your villain.
And she wouldn't even know a thing.
One day you can. One day you just might.
It's soon enough. Sooner than you think.
But right now, right now, don't.
If you won't protect your own heart, fine.
Protect her from yours.

Okay, okay, okay! I'm insecure.

Insecurity is my greatest weakness.

Whenever I'm insecure, I do stupid things. I say stupid crap and I think the worst thoughts about the people of my life. Last night I found myself saying I had a track record of liking girls who were nuts, when in reality (despite their issues - and who doesn't have those?) they were some of the nicest girls I've ever known (why'd you think I liked them?).

I eat too much whenever I'm insecure. I'm already overweight and adding to that isn't helping. I ate so much over spring break that whatever "diet" I had before that was totally negated.

I get lazy whenever I'm insecure. I have a list of things I could have done over spring break but, alas, some of them were not accomplished. Not that I didn't do anything, but there were some things I wish I could have done.

Insecurity exposes me as the self-inflated, self-centered creep that I really am. It exposes me as discontent and anxious, ungrateful and just plain stupid. I start believing the most "comforting" of the dissenting voices in my head, and most of the time it's what brings me down. I start resenting people who are not at fault, and in the process, unintentionally ruin my view of them. Any and all progress I have with my walk with Christ disintegrates whenever I'm insecure.

For some reason, I've been really insecure lately (ya think?). This has been going on for quite a while, so I know I've got a lot of things I need to deal with if I'm ever gonna move on.

Of being in the desert.

Just because it's the desert doesn't mean it's useless.

I'm reminded of the many encounters of Bible people in the desert, and the reasons God did so. Moses spent a third of his life in the desert because God wanted to humble him. The people of Israel spent 40 years in the desert so that the people who kept complaining would die off and a new generation of people would take the promised land. Elijah spent time in the desert so he could absolutely depend on God. John the Baptist spent his life in the desert to isolate and amplify his message of repentance.

Most of all, Jesus spent time in the desert to be tempted by Satan, and to overcome. I think He also did it to show that even the Son of God had to spend time there, so that those who would follow Him would know that He understood what being in the desert was like.

Stace tells me, "If you're in the desert, something's going to give. It's either God or you, and it's not going to be God."

If I am personally in the desert right now, I hope I emerge out of this victorious, with something I can pick up. If I am the desert, I pray that God would just revive and restore with the rain that He brings.

The calm of the arid desert.

It's been over a week since my last post, and lately I've just been uninspired. Usually I can tell if it's the uncertain calm before the storm, but today it feels more like a desert. Lifeless, awkward, penetrating and uninspiring.

I'm just going through a dry spell with things lately. This weekend I decided to let go of something really major in my life. Things I have desperately tried to keep alive wither without warning. Things I have tended and invested so much in end up not having any root at all, and dry up without apology. And I am left standing there, wondering what I did wrong.

I fear I just might be planting new seeds into the lifeless desert that is my life, starting up new things without any root or purpose. There are some things which feel like I have toiled so much in, all in vain. I don't feel like starting some things for fear that they might whither away again.

"Things will turn out," Erin says. I need to believe her.

Sorry to be so cryptic and symbolic. I don't feel like spelling things out as of late.

I just hope this is not resignation.