When God resoundingly says "Not Yet."

I never really would have thought I would receive so much encouragement from God saying "not yet."

But it turns out, the encouragement didn't come because He said, "not yet," but it came because He SAID it. And now that I think about it, the way He revealed this to me was the most crystal clear way He could have revealed it. I'm in this phase of my life where I'm realizing that not everything is black and white, and that most of the answers that I get are now unacceptable because of their implicit harshness i.e. "Do this because it says so."

But in this particular area where God said, "not yet," He gave me a reason I could actually accept as legitimate.

I had initially thought this to be a disappointment, but my friend Kathleen and her boyfriend Jon swayed me. They told me that because He spoke and revealed it to me, He actually felt for me in this area. They told me: this shows that when you're crying about this, God is crying about it too.

If you knew me, you would know that this one area of my life is so important to me (yes, I'll admit, above other things) that it has severely affected my theology, my hope and how I view the world at large. And all the disappointments I've had in the past have culminated into a disenchantment that went to the tune of, "God is God and He can do whatever He wants, and He doesn't have to give you these things."

But not this time.

Kathleen and Jon told me: Yes! You CAN ask God for what you want. The Cross gave us that right. Yes, we have to be flexible and open to His will, but that shouldn't stop us from asking and believing we could get it.

Also, Kathleen pointed out, because it was a "not yet" God also left room for hope. And for the first time in a long time, I AM hopeful. I've stopped wondering about the outcome and I'm just, well, waiting. Not waiting, anxiously, and not idly, of course. I have other things to pass the time. But you may never know how much of a burden was taken off my chest and how much hope has replaced it.

I guess my prayer now is that when that time does come when "not yet" becomes a "yes", He would make it clear to me.