Day 1 - Learning to Trust Again

When I said I was going to stop venting, I knew I was going to get hit hard. By just how much, I never really anticipated. Yesterday found me crying in the bathroom writing on my journal a prayer to God. I promised Him I'd never divulge the contents of our conversation, but suffice it to say it was about a lot of things that I've recently been involved in.

I learned a couple of things that night. One of them was that I had overlooked some of the people in my life that were really special to me. That was the cause of my latest heartache and predicament, and if I had not wasted my energy complaining so much, I would have actually spent more time realizing how much certain people really meant to me. Now that they're, basically, gone from me, inevitable as it was, I learned that I could have invested more time in them while they were still ... how should I put this? Accessible.

So I guess the old adage is true. It's only when you lose something do you appreciate its true value. I hope I am learning my lesson.

I asked God to help me get over the heartache, get over the people I've lost, His way, by actually trusting Him and believing that He CAN make beautiful stories happen for me, and that what He has in store for me is what's really best for me.

I also wrote a note to myself, in case I re-read that entry, asking, no, begging myself to not take the people I truly love for granted. I told myself that just because I wouldn't be with them forever was no excuse to burn bridges and build walls.

Shane&Shane's song "The Answer" helped me out a lot yesterday. While I was picking at its low-end techno beats the message seemed to strike me.

"I have found the answer is to love You and be loved by You alone. Alright."

I haven't vented so far. But that doesn't mean I haven't felt sad. Maybe there's just a better way of dealing with my emotions. I hope this is it. So much for day one.